How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
