I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
