We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
