you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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