I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
