I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
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If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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