I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
