i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
