My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
His nipple licking is glorious
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