It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
