Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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