Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
