Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
