i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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