I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
