did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
