You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I'm really busy with my period
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