he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
