You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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