this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
