im six kinds of drunk right now
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
