she was so not down for the gang bang
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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