It was confusing and full of hummus
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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