my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
