he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
