There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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