we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I want her autograph on my taint
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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