he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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