I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
