have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize