everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
