Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
