girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
