she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
