Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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