just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
