I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
