Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
