just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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