He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
