you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
