I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Randomize
