he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
