I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
