apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
