you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
