i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
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I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
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I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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