her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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