Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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