Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
