yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
