I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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