I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Randomize
