he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
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He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
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it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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