My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
