And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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