Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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