I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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