Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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